(11 Feb ’07)
There was a death in my
family. As is common, the deceased hadn’t left behind a will. (Have never
understood this reluctance to put on paper one’s wishes. Do we believe we’re
immortal?) I’m not sure whether the property papers, the bank accounts, shares,
are jointly held, with clear nominations, etc. Now I’m told that a part of the
family is ‘discreetly’ usurping a bit of the wealth of the dear departed. If
it’s true (these are allegations that have been narrated to me, I haven’t seen
any of it for myself), then I don’t see why the hurt ‘party’ didn’t confront
the ‘offender’ in the first place. Why not just ask, “What are you up to?”
Possibly, all this trouble would have been nipped in the bud. Ideally, in
situations like these, niceties aught to be done away with. A clear I Don’t
Like What You’re Doing is better than soft words, quite often. Drastic surgical
measures can’t be substituted by placebos. Anyway, the happening didn’t
surprise me. It’s not a new phenomenon. It’s mentioned in Ramdas Bodh, and the
entire Mahabharat was fought because of familial quarrels. As for Goa, am sure
80 per cent or more of the legal work in the state is over division of
property. And am sure the statistics are even through all religions, age
groups, economic backgrounds. We share the same culture.
We Indians don’t have
the guts to talk straight. We’ll watch and bitch behind backs to avoid
unpleasantness until the situation blows up into our face. I’ll give you
another example. X wants to know how much Y is earning. Y says, “About so
much?” Why the approximation? Doesn’t he know exactly how much his income is?
If he doesn’t want to tell, why not say “none of your business”? But no, it
doesn’t work that way. Instead, X will probe further and ask whether Y gets
HRA, any other perks, pension. Y will hedge and remark that ‘things could be
better’.
I see this in the
hospital all the time. How medical bills divide families. Decency demands that
no one actually confesses what they can afford. Volunteers step forward to
offer to pay in the beginning. The actual payment is made by the bakra of the clan. Who continues to be
the bakra for no one else helps out
beyond a point. It’s interesting to see human relationships at work. There are
offers of staying the night, supplying food…in the beginning. The enthusiasm
wanes, no one wants to say outright that they’re fed up, so they slink away
leaving poor Family Bakra behind.
A family elder,
reacting to what I wrote in the first para, claims: Such things don’t happen to
our sort. Really? Why? Do we have special set of genes isolated from the rest
of humanity? More likely (s)he wants to block out the negative thoughts as
taught by a present cult guru. It’s like closing one’s eyes whilst crossing the
road, expecting the trucks to brake because to you don’t want it to hit you.
Think and feel hard enough and do it collectively, and it’ll happen. I feel
these things really create more stress. Clear open hard hitting talk is what
sorts out matters very often.
I’d say, as of now, the
people who really would like to encourage this attitude…of sulking and letting
things get really sour before going to the Courts are the lawyers. I missed my
vocation, I should have done my LLB. Would have earned more than sitting at my
keyboard.
Until then, I can only
suggest to those who agree with me: write your wills if you want to spare your
successors/children/brethren/neighbours wasteful expenditure and bad blood.
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