My Chat With the Lord

          Sri Husband and I aren’t talking to each other again and I think there’ll be peace in the house for a couple of days.

          I sat cross-legged early in the morning, magna in my dhyaan, meditating, chanting shlokas, feeling the cool Shravan breeze on my skin… when I saw Him clearly.

          Later, I whispered excitedly to Sri Husband, “The Lord was here, right before me.”

 “So I was,” he said, “So what?” Sri Husband had no right to interrupt.

“Not you,” I snapped, controlling volume and tone. “The real God. My favourite, Ganapati.”

“Some weeks back you said Krxnn (Portuguese spelling of the Indian Krishna) was your favourite.”

“That time it was Krxnn’s birthday, no,” a bit of irritation creeping into my voice. “Now it’s Ganapati’s turn. Besides, He’s an all-Goan favourite, not just mine. In fact, He’s everybody’s favourite. In India and also abroad. NRIs worship Him. There are pujas done on skype, and … ”

“What did He say?” another interruption. When will Sri Husband learn manners?

But I was calm: “He was pleased to see me, but He looked kind of ill.”

“Not surprised. He has to look after so many people. All sorts. Every invitation card, each product launch, people who want jobs, students appearing for exams, spouse-hunters, the ill and the ambitious, all have to be watched over. Even if He’s sharing the load with other gods, He still has quite a bit on his own shoulders.”

“Is that what’s making Him ill?” I wondered.

“Maybe not. Maybe it’s just the fireworks. Or the fact that He’s made of Plaster of Paris: that would make anyone ill. There’s a law against it, but as long as the aarti-prasad rituals are done, who cares about the law?”

I wondered whether Sri Husband was needling me. Can’t always make out. I let him talk on:  “For all you know, He may be having a body-ache. I read in the papers that people threw His statues off Mandovi bridge. That must hurt, no?”

I ignored Sri Husband. Gods can handle such things. Changing the topic I said: “I heard from a friend that one person who was drowning in sea started praying to Lord Ganesha. Lord Ganesha appeared before him, took a look, then started thrusting arms and legs into the air. The fellow was confused and angry – Lord, he cried, I am drowning. Save me. What are you doing? Lord Ganesh replied - at my immersion, you danced like this, didn’t you?"

Sri Husband actually smiled: “Our Ganesh has a sense of humour… or whoever wrote that joke did. What finally happened to the drowning chap? Did he die or was he rescued?”

I sat quiet. Sri Husband continued to smile. “Nice joke,” he said to me, some kindness in his voice.

Seeing him in a good mood, I read out some nice ones from the Net: “Here are some Gujarati jingles. Tapeli ma shiro, Ganpati bappa hero. Another one: "Videocon Samsung, Ganpati bappa handsome."

Sri Husband’s third interruption, fault-finding as always: “Samsung and handsome don’t rhyme.”

I ignored him and read on: "Sev jalebi fafda, Ganpati bappa aapda and lal phool neelu phool Ganpati bappa beautiful.”

“Think these will make the Bappa laugh?" Sri Husband’s fourth interruption.

“Listen to this,” I insisted. "Vatka ma chewing-gum, Ganpati bappa singham."

That’s when Sri Husband came up with his own: “China ho ya korea, Ganpati bappa morya."

I didn’t find it funny. He didn’t laugh at my jokes, I didn’t see why I should laugh at his.

Silence for some minutes.

I began to re-meditate.

Interruption again. I’d lost count of which number this time. “The next time you hallucinate about Ganapati bappa, ask him what He thinks about temples built at corners of roads that block traffic and cause near-accidents.”

“We talk about spiritual matters.” Me, haughtily, knowing he wouldn’t understand this.

“Can’t you talk about common-sense?” Sri Husband doesn’t give up.

“I have enough of that, thank you.” I don’t give up either.

“Of course you do, everyone has common-sense, all bappas ensure we’re born with it. Too bad we don’t use it. Like our appendix. Once upon a time it played some role in digestion. No one knows of what use it is today.  Maybe common-sense has become obsolete.” I prayed to the Lord to give me patience and strength to deal with this.

I pursed my lips. Sri Husband walked out.

We’re not on talking terms again. Prayers work.

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