(11 Apr ’10)
Think of the housewife who is constantly borrowing: some curd because
she forgot to keep some aside last night; a gas cylinder because she forgot to
book hers; some money as today’s the last date for her son’s fees. If it
irritates you, you’ll be told: what is there, will give back, no. And if you
get involved in what our modern swamis say, it’ll be: forgive and get
de-stressed. Don’t try to change her, change yourself.
Think of the colleague
who’s always doing reports last minute, dragging you down, keeping you back
after working hours because of something he has procrastinated about: chod
yaar, he says, don’t get so worked up. It’s only one life, enjoy.
Think of the
businessperson who borrows from one bank or friend, then another. You only live
once, he says, so why worry about how to repay. The repayment will happen, once
the money is in his hands. He’ll borrow from another to give to the first, and
so an entire life is lived. There are men who borrow cigarettes and women who
borrow hygiene products.
So many examples: don’t
pay bills until the grace period is nearly over, then crib about the fine. Do
everything last minute and then say: but it’s done, na, so why make a noise
now.
I’m impressed by many
of the leading gurus our country has. They’ve gone international with various
formulas of don’t get stressed yourself, stress out others. How? Take this
example: well dressed woman comes to meet you unannounced and says she has this
course she’d to run for your employees or relatives or just you. Could be about
pranayam, prayer or yoga or something more contemporary. She’s intruding upon
your time and you don’t like it. Her guru has taught her that nothing should
bother her. If she bothers someone else, it’s the latter’s problem. Very
politely, she pesters you, not budging an inch, until you’ve given in. You’re
stuck, you don’t like it, you know she’s made a sucker of you, you’re stressed…
so what do you need the most? Some one like her who’s selling you the de-stress
remedy. Smart? Any wonder the gurus are making the big bucks? Once you’re
hooked, subtle pressures draw you in and force you to be a part of that system.
One thing every Indian loves and falls for all the time is: Chalta Hai,
Vanda Nahi, Harkat Nahi, So What, Chod Yaar, Kya Farak Padta Hai … words that
have done let our country down.
I’ve known housewives who have managed so well with frugal budgets and
an attitude of waste not want not that they have ended up being asset and money
rich. In comparison, their easy-going shopping-talented sisters have let
impulse and carelessness deplete savings. Attitudes like ‘come-on-yaar’ how
does it matter may de-stress. But that’s temporary. The long but sure way to
live without stress is definitely the more disciplined way.
The get up when I want,
may or may not brush teeth, ok if I dress sloppy, does it matter if I call
everyone by the first name, decorum is for the oldies kind of people seldom get
anywhere. Even those who protest vehemently against dress or behaviour codes
(you get some in the world of the liberal arts), when they’re successful, end
up with a code of sorts which is equally rigid: I will hair my long no shorter
than my shoulder, wear only shorts and sandals, won’t sleep before midnight…
and that becomes as much of a discipline as the crew-cut-suited-booted
fall-in-liners. The code is set and rigid if one has to be successful: imagine
a journalist in a silk sari with gajra in her hair… would she be accepted no
matter how smart her reporting? Every profession,
every neighbourhood, community or office has its own discipline and more than
anything else, when personal lives are indisciplined, stress follows.
I saw a mother ask her
7 year old daughter: I want to talk to this aunty, is that ok with you? Why
would she want it to be ok with the child? Couldn’t she say: I want to talk to
this aunty, please sit quietly here till I finish. Oh, she’s a child…. Baccha
hai. Same baccha grows up to be a brat adult, the world doesn’t care and stress
follows. A bit of discipline at the right time, firmness and strictness, pays
dividends in our quest for happiness.
Like doing one’s duty
gives one a strange satisfaction.
Like saying No instead
of Ok. Like not saying Let It Be.
I believe.
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