(12 Oct ’08)
A prize-winning actress
(for some reason, the word ‘award’ wasn’t as much in vogue then), she was a triple
M A, plus she did her Ph.D. after twenty years of marriage and two
children. The first MA was in Sociology from the University of Mumbai, the
second was a Diploma in Social Service Administration from the Tata Institute
of Social Sciences (this is recognized by the UPSC as equivalent to an MA) and
the third, a Masters in Public Health
Education fro the University of California, Berkeley. She couldn’t have done
any of this without enormous support from her husband and mother in law.
Remarkably, whilst it was her brother who pushed her to the Ph. D. program, it
was her husband and her mother in law who helped her execute that dream. It’s
so hard to believe that an actress could be actively on stage and still work as
Professor and Head of the Department, Population Policies and Development at
the International Institute of Population Studies, Mumbai. How could one live
seriously at one level, and do farces and comedies at another? After her
retirement, she got involved in a zillion (ok, let’s bring that down to
fifteen…fifteen!!) different
projects, assignments and more, as consultant, guide, leader, that sort of
thing. And all the while, still being involved in theatre, even modeling for
advertisements in between. Just these things could’ve made a best-seller.
But there’s more. Way
back in the ‘fifties, she married a Hindu. Lily Ezekial became Asha Bhende.
Even today, that’d make headlines. If it was 2008, a news channel would have
interviewed her and asked her about her views, personal life, and would have
plauded her attitude, and would have interviewed the aam aadmi on the street to
find out what he felt about it, and so forth. Asha and her husband (mitr, she calls him) Atmaram didn’t
think it was worth such hoohaa. They were in love, had similar interests, were
practical, fun-loving and young, and they simply went ahead and got married.
There’s so much, so much that could have been written about in her biography.
It feels empty when one reads it and one craves to know more.
She’s eighty now and on her birthday, she
released the book she’s written on her life, aptly titled Majhya Jagaat Me (In my own world, am I). Shobha De, who was the chief guest, correctly
pointed out that all that the ‘liberated’ women are crying themselves hoarse
about she’s done with a giggle and no fuss.
Born a Jew, in 1928,
she married a Hindu in the early ‘fifties, without eloping, fighting, getting
headlines in the newspaper at a time when inter-religion marriages were really,
really rare. When ‘working women’ were still to come into their own, her mother
was the principal of a school, her sister a doctor, and she, eventually, became
an expert in her own field. Not much struggle, not much strife? I doubt it. Had
she delved deeper into her own world, she could have given examples today’s
eves would have loved to know about. I, for one, am curious about her
conservative, widowed mother-in-law who cared for her home and sat her children
when she was at study/work. Once, a group of women came visiting and pointed
out that there were no deities in the house. And her mother in law replied,
that her grandchildren were her ‘gods’.
That was when Asha Bhende realized how much her mother in law had
adjusted to her marriage. Jews don’t worship statues, so the thought hadn’t
ever entered her mind that her husband’s family may have different
views/beliefs.
Her book makes one
hunger for more. What comments did others make at her unusual choices? Who were
her friends and what were their opinions about her lifestyle? How did she cope
with the nitty-gritty of balancing work and serious hobby simultaneously? It’s
a rich history that needs more details to be woven into the chapters. Hope she comes
out with an English edition so that more people can read it. In the meantime,
for Marathi readers, I’d recommend it: a slim volume, a quick but interesting
read.
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