(15 Jan '12)
The young man sitting
next to me in the bus was chatting away, telling me the story of his life. He
was born, nurtured and had done some kind of a technical diploma in Goa. The
latter meant he could safely call himself an engineer of sorts. (Not very different
from chemists doubling up as 'dotors', I guess). He'd got a job in Dubai where
he worked for two years. Then mother intervened. She wanted her baab back.
The boy returned. He whimpered as he told me how he got another job in Goa, and
with a multinational, too. This job required him to travel to neighbouring
Maharashtra and Karnataka. Guess what, wherever he went, his father accompanied
him. Baab had to be looked after: toilettaam vachoo zaay? Khaupa
zaay? Ulti beshayn distaa? Hoon chaa zaay? Biscuit zaay? I wasn't surprised
that the boy actually told me this, and with more than a hint of regret in his
voice: he would never go far from home. He was lucky to have got this job, but
with the father shadowing him like that, I wonder how long he'll keep it. The
father, not more than sixty, for sure, apparently had nothing else to do.
This isn't the first
such story I’ve heard. When I was working in a hotel, a well heeled woman came
to me one evening and nearly demanded that I help change her son's mind. The
latter wanted to join either a hotel or an airline and therefore planned to
join some hospitality course. Why on earth would I dissuade someone from
joining the industry that was giving me my bread and butter? But think, said
the woman, my boy will go away from me. Maybe that's just what he wants, I
said. She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all. Was I a mother, she wanted
to know. I refused to answer personal questions.
I read about an army
recruitment drive happening in Margao. It would be interesting to know how many
join up.
A woman I know, who has
married and settled in Mumbai, has carried with her this trait of clutching
tightly to the nears and dears. She preferred that her husband give up two good
opportunities rather than shift out of her comfort zone. When her son got
married, it was a given that he and the daughter-in-law would never, never
'abandon' her.
What is strange is that
Goans, specially Catholics, have been really adventurous travelers. Africa,
Portugal and later the USA beckoned in the late 1800s and the 1900s, too. Goans
in Mumbai seized airlines jobs that allowed them to visit and settle in various
continents. Today, a certain kind of Goan still encourages his or her offspring
to go, achieve. And yet, paradoxically, those that don't let their baabs out
of their sight get the approval of all around them. When mother says stay, sit,
give paw, the kids must do so.
On the other hand, our
devoted moms don't really care about what's happening to the child. When a child runs onto the road and is hit
and injured by a vehicle, the driver is thrashed by the villagers. No one asks
the question: why was the child not supervised? Why was he playing on a busy
road? Drivers are bad and so are the roads you say? What about when children
fall into wells? Are the parents questioned then? I’ve seen parents in Panaji
buy projects for their children. School projects. The child simply gives money
to someone to get the model or craftwork made. Nothing learned. According to
me, a loving parent would give a child the skills to survive after the parent
is dead, to be able to adjust to people and situations without constantly
asking for advice on the mobile phone.
A friend said, That's
Not Fair. This happens everywhere in India. She gave the example of incidents which take place in zoos, where
toddlers' hands get ripped and chewed by lions. No one says anything about how
irresponsibly the parent with the child was. Considering the fact that Goa has
a better literacy rate, should one not expect a different attitude? Some
sociologist somewhere must answer this one.
I’m amongst those who
believes that calenders and greeting cards are a waste of paper. Most of us own
mobile phones and those who don't have people around who do. As for greetings,
emails and phone calls and personal visits are cheaper and more effective.
However, I got an interesting calender from an NGO, Coastal Impact that I will
display and use. Venkat and Karen of Barracuda Diving decided to do something
to save the marine life they so love. They made presentations about fishes and
life under the sea to various schools in Goa. Many of the children drew
pictures of what they believed underwater life looked like. Strange, that a
state whose staple food is fish knows so little about marine life. These paintings need to be displayed,
exhibited, maybe even sold, for they are a piece of modern Goan culture. And
they're beautiful. Anyone interested can contact me through this paper and I'll
get you in touch with them. If you believe Goa's beauty must be conserved, this
is a good way to make a start towards it.
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