Appearing For the IAS

               “I want to appear for the IAS,” I told Shri Husband.

“Why?” Shri Husband asked loudly, then said in his most convincing tone. “You’re too old for it.”

               “The government shouldn’t discriminate by age,” I retorted. “What’s age got to do with talent? So many more people can be given a chance if they remove that age clause. Think of all our experience. All the mistakes we’ve made, let the Executive benefit from them. What do the young know? IAS can mean India’s Aging Superwomen.” “Or men,” I added generously.

               “What has suddenly put this idea into your head?” Shri Husband will never give up. Old (pun not intended) habit, asking question upon question.

               “Now people are taking the exam in Hindi. In a few years’ time, they’ll allow it in all the Indian languages, Konkani also,” I said, reasonably. “So I’m going to start preparing already.”

               “You and I will be off the planet by the time any decision on this gets taken. We already have thirty-plus official languages, and in those same few years, there’ll be another ten added,” said Shri Husband, negative man. Then followed the trademark questions: “You think they’ll have question papers in all the languages? All?”

I deflected that one, “Someday they’ll agree to having entrance exams in Konkani for engineering, medicine, toothbrush-repair, management, everything. In addition to English, and they’ll be lenient with the age limit for women at least.” Shri Husband is jealous because my school-fees were waived off and I got a free bicycle from the government and also some money when I turned eighteen. Of course, he was compulsory-pass till class eight, good for him.

               “What makes you think you’ll get through?” another question followed by a snide: “There are only three chances.”

I wasn’t going to let him know I didn’t know that, so I lagoed: “That’s another request the protestors must ask for, that the candidates should appear as many times as they wish to. Representation is what democracy is all about, the will of the majority. The protestors will…”

“Which protestors?” Some people talk in riddles, Shri Husband talks in questions.

“Those who are asking for changing the UPSC system. IAS-IFS-IPS-IRS aspirants,” I told him; I’m a patient person.

“Are you talking about what they showed on tv?” Shri Husband will never make it to the IAS, but he could become a part of the UPSC paper-setting team, with his question-manufacturing talent.

“Yes.”

               “Do you know it’s an intellectually and emotionally demanding exam?”

               “Stop using words that the aam junta can’t understand.”

               “You have no aptitude for administration.”

               “Exactly. That’s what the protestors were saying. Stop this aptitude business. Very elite and urban.  Not for the saadhee manshan.”

               “I give up.” Shri Husband says this often to me. He will never make it to any Service. I told him I was going to bash on regardless.

               “Suppose I get through,” I said, “You’ll be proud of me, won’t you?”

               First, he threw a sentence at me: “If you get posted to Arunachal or Andhra, you will need to learn their language.” Then the question: “Will you?”

Second round: “If you get posted to Somalia or Uzbeckistan, you’ll have to learn their languages.” Followed by: “Will you?” I suspect Shri Husband sometimes thinks I’m stupid. Then I sit quietly until he gets out of that mood.

He babbled on: “IAS people have to read balance sheets of companies, do valuation for pubic sector privatisation, analyse large amounts of data, do profitability analyses.” I let him babble.

“… you need an analytical and logical mind…”

Not once did I interrupt, adarsh Bharatiya naree that I am, until he ran out of breath.

I read somewhere that in parts of India, they’re planning to introduce Sanskrit seriously. I said, “Maybe they’ll allow me to take the exam in Sanskrit. If there’s quota, there’ll be very little competition for me.”

“Why would they have entrance papers in Sanskrit?” Shri Husband again.

“Mother of our languages, the root of our heritage, software compatible,” I can also impress with big-big words when I want to. I’d heard this on television, sounded impressive.

“Go ahead,” he said, stumped. “Convince the powers-that-be that the IAS entrance exam should be in the ancientest Indian language. Suggest Tamil or Pali.” Shri Husband ideas are sometimes good. “And tell them that you’re nearly superannuated.”

“So, finally you agree I’m super, eh, annuated or not,” I smirked.

Shri Husband’s complaining of a headache. Gotta go.

              

Bachelors and Managers

         If your child’s a Board (pun unintended) student, this one’s for you.

Once, there was B.A., B. Com. and B.Sc. If you were a girl, you could do Home Science. If you were ‘differently talented’ (in those politically incorrect times we said ‘failed’) in academics, you did Commercial Art or an ITI diploma. Graphic Designers, Culinary Specialists and Art Historians were decades away. The more skill your qualification required and the years of training to get mastery in it, the better you were paid and respected.

You could specialize in sub-subjects. For example if you did B. Sc. (Zoology), you could do M. Sc. in cytology, embryology, anatomy, and other tongue-twisters.        

Sometime after the 11 standard SSC became 10 plus 2, these departments sprouted: Life Sciences, Biotechnology, Biochemistry, Biophysics. The other streams had already caught up. Doctors had suffixes besides MBBS and Ph.D: BHM, BAM, BUM (for Bachelor of Unani Medicine. Honest).

Now we have MDs in Medicine Alternativa who cure you holistically. Acupuncturists and Reiki certificate-holders sniff down at the Naturopaths, Gemmologists, Numerologists, Chiropractors and Astrologists. You don’t even need to be ill to visit one of those. If you’re feeling down in the dumps, eat sprouts. If you’ve had a quarrel with your neighbour, throw a karela juice party. Bugged by the traffic jam? Sms your horoscope to your fave ‘reader’.

I’ve learned that BMS (Bachelor of Management Studies) is different from a BBA (Bachelor of Business Administration). Does the difference lie in fee structure? Don’t know.  

In these days of gender neutral vocabulary, unusual that we’re still talking of Bachelors and Masters. There are Bachelors of/in Mass Media, Computer Applications, Insurance Management,  Actuaries, Event Management and more.

Some old BAs are dead: like BA (Pali). Pali- an ancient language in which Buddhist texts were written. I don’t know what the ‘Pali graduates’ did with their knowledge except teach others what they knew.  

But I stray…

The MBA sneaked into academia in the ‘sixties, to creep and crawl into every cranny of career-driven youths’ lives. And of their parents. Don’t have the high IQ or slogging power to get into an IIM?. Don’t worry.

One can get an MBA from a corner grocery shop (CGS) these days. Who or what the ‘graduates’ from these institutions are managing is something I can’t guess. For the entrance exams to get into these CGS MBA courses, there are private coaching classes….. business begets business.

Then there’s the MHA= Masters in Hospital Administration. Or DHA= Diploma in the same stuff. You don’t need to be a doctor to do them and you can tag ‘hospital’ alongside your name and romp around impressing people. You can do it (the course, not the romping) full time, part time, half time and through ‘distance’ (the word ‘correspondence’ is defunct; like ‘cookies’ killed biscuits and ‘apartments’ killed flats).

Next arrived the M in PA (Pharmaceutical Administration) and MT (Medical Tourism). Is Hospital Admin different from Healthcare Admin? Dunno: both are MHAs. And a new one: Book-keeping Management Administration.

Some slow-to-change who believe that HRM, alongside Finance and Systems, is the route to the top, have grudgingly begun to consider other courses for their wards. Like Master of Disaster Management. I don’t understand … does MDM teach you to make a perfect calamity? To create emergencies? Are terrorists Masters of DM? Ignorama Blissus, that’s me.

There are less advertised courses specializing in managing museums, aquaria, circuses (ok, I made up the last two).

Many of these Biz Mgt types slog and slave for non MBAs for a salary. Projects of Time Motion Studies and data entries, reports generation don’t require originality of thought, creativity, or enterprise. Their work could be done by very bright clerks. For good money and glory, I must add.

When I see the numbers of ‘M’s in different kinds of Administration and then see the small but focused lot of students who are taking up pure science (India’s doing pretty well in the Maths/Physics/Bio Olympiads), and geography, I know that things are a-changing.  

When children choose not to do the regular grind of computer/medical stuff and ignore acquaintances which do the ‘poor thing’ ritual with parents, they prosper.

In Goa we have examples of those who’ve done well in unusual subjects. One, studying reptiles (Aaron Lobo and Rahul Alvares).

It’s the quest for knowledge and consistency in effort that makes the difference. Not the label.

Back to the young managers… they’re busy learning how to manage, not knowing what they want to manage. No school teaches that. That, Dear Parents, is where you step in.

This is the season of entrance exams: Good Luck all.