I’m terrible
at bargaining. It’s the one thing Shri Husband and I have in common. The other
is that we (agree to) disagree about everything. Whilst on errands, he suffers
from tunnel-vision. If he has to buy a certain soap and if he finds any change
in it, the tirade begins: ‘is this really ‘x’ brand, when did they change the
packaging, why’s the wrapper of a different colour, is it spurious, show me the
expiry date/MRP, seal/address of manufacturer, has it been sold to another
company, where’s the ISI mark’…you get the drift? If there are multiple
products of the same brand or look-alikes nearby, the sales-guys usually report
sick afterwards, with tension-related, Shri-Husband-caused migraines.
Nevertheless, as I said earlier, he
pays without grumbling whatever the company/sales-person says he should. I do,
too. MRP zindabad.
Though shopping-challenged, I enjoy
customer-watching, like some people like window-shopping. Same occupation,
different focus.
People bargain to reduce the price of
a fistful of small fish as if their lives depended on it, from Rs 50 to Rs 45,
but not flinch at being overcharged for footwear. Whilst our food is hawked by
the sewage-gutters at the edges of pavements and roads, our shoes/chappals are
vended in posh air-conditioned ‘show-rooms’. (An aside: I’ve no idea when shops
became show-rooms. Perhaps around the time that flats became ‘apartments’,
houses became ‘villas’ and vannya-dukaans
turned from grocery or general stores to ‘super-markets’, though I’ve yet to
figure out just what is super about them.)
Even if there’s bargaining involved
in a footwear shop, the percentage reduction in price of a pair of shoes is
less than for any raw food item. Anyone good at math? Please check out my
theory. I haven’t noticed anyone bargaining in malls for clothes, accessories,
underwear, sports’ goods, but for some reason suitcases are always ‘seconds’ or
on sale. Wonder why. Also, does ‘seconds’ mean pre-owned or flawed whilst
manufacturing? No one wants to know, for a bargain’s a bargain, quality be
damned. There are also permanently located ‘export surplus (= rejects)’ stalls
where bargaining is allowed/expected on already ‘discounted’ stuff.
Those who complain about how
taxis/autos/pilots take people for a ride, literally and metaphorically (and I
agree strongly with them), meekly submit to the increase in airfares over a
long weekend. I haven’t seen too many letters to the editor about those fares
being unreasonable or cheating tourists or causing hardships to locals, nothing.
No one bargains with airlines over tickets, not since online booking made fare-comparisons
from home possible.
One place where pay-for-one and
get-another-free happens is in doctors’ clinics. A patient goes inside the room
with her mother or sister-in-law and when she’s finished telling the doctor her
story of pain and nausea, she encourages her companion to narrate what happened
to that distant cousin. Doctor, then, is supposed to do remote-diagnosis and
treat an anonymous patient, free of cost. I guess gynaecs and dentists are
exempt from such OPD ‘bargains’.
Such tactics don’t work in
beauty-parlours. At least I’ve not heard of anyone reducing cost after hair is
cut/waxed off.
Try bargaining with a
plumber/electrician/carpenter/painter. You could invest what you save in a DYI
(Do It Yourself) course for future repair work. I see around me boards
advertising housekeeping services, with phone numbers and scope of work
prominently mentioned. Clearly, make in India skills include dusting/ mopping/cleaning
wells /washing cars; perhaps NaMo could consider exporting those skills along
with digging roads, laying cables, digging roads again, laying pipes, digging
roads and putting up lamp-posts, digging roads to increase width of existing
ones, digging roads… calculate the Indian fee for the expertise at dollars per
hour… quite a bargain in many parts of the world.
Walk along Candolim/Calangute and
you’ll see ‘fixed price’ notices for getting tattoos done, buying ‘false’
jewellery and renting apartments. Tourism has its own dynamics. Two days ago, in
the north Goa beach belt, I chatted with a beggar woman holding a toddler on
her hips. “Why don’t you work?” I asked her. She replied, “I do, on days when I
don’t get enough alms.” (“Jab bheek kum
milti hai toh kaam karti hoon, bartan manjneka, jhaadu laganeka, gaadi
pochhneka.”). From her I learnt that charity-receivers bargain, too. A
packet of biscuits for her child and Rs 10 for her wasn’t good enough. She
could convert currency rates in her mind and she asked for ‘just one’ euro!
Illiterate certainly doesn’t mean unintelligent. She looked healthy, she was
young and I wondered whether someone like her could/would ever fall in a taxable
bracket. Another thought: could finding loopholes in the law be considered a
form of ‘bargaining’ with the government?
We bargain with god, in temples, on
auspicious days in particular, promising deities coconuts/ saris/ pujas if we
get jobs/ children/ married. If it worked, with devotee-queues as long as they
are, our places of worship would look like wholesale coconut/ sari bazars and
the priestly profession would be in great demand.
The best way to bargain, I’ve learned
from the Haryanvi Jats, is to set fire to vehicles, break every glass sheet in
sight, thrash fellow humans, stall railway trains, shut down offices, don’t let
anyone or anything divert your attention until you get what you want.
Parliament and ministers, MLAs, activists and the media are never eyes and ears
if you sit at Jantar Mantar quietly, holding placards and issuing press
releases to bring attention to what is rightfully yours. Did our retired
soldiers not learn that the hard way? The aam junta has understood instinctively,
what works is a battering of the senses, starting with noise… check out use of
car-horns (bargaining for right of way) today.
Feedback: sheelajaywant@yahoo.co.in
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